Tuesday, January 23, 2007

I'm Really on the Ball

You know those big exercise balls you can buy? The ones that promise a svelte, youthful figure with consistent use? Let me just say that they should come with a throbbing red sticker stating "Caution, if you are a woman over 50, this may be dangerous to your health!"

I've been using the ball for a couple of months, and while I can't claim to be svelte and youthful, I am definitely more flexible than I used to be. So flexible, that I decided to attempt a new move, which was my first mistake. The directions were pretty simple: lie with your upper thighs on the ball in a basic push-up position, then press your shins into the ball and draw them forward, bending your knees and bringing your legs and the ball under your torso. You end up kneeling on top of the ball, with your palms remaining on the floor. The woman (of indeterminate age) in the accompanying picture looked like there was nothing in the world she would rather be doing. I wanted to join her.

Usually I at least insert my contacts before putting myself through my paces, but this particular morning I'd decided to exercise as soon as I got out of bed. So there I am in front of the big sliding glass mirror in my room--hair sticking out every which way (it must not have been a restful night!), in my comfortable pjs, my thick glasses on my nose.

I assumed the position. Nothing to it. At least not until I did that part of bringing my legs and the ball under my torso. Everything happened at the speed of light and before I knew it I was moaning on the ground, my neck at an odd angle, my heavy glasses ground into the delicate skin on the bridge of my nose. A glance in the mirror revealed a large crescent of skin had been torn from my nose--the only weight loss I would experience that day.

It's been 10 days since my "incident" and I'm still recovering. Makeup is just now able to conceal my brush with death.There's a bold X across that exercise on the sheet of instructions. Even if that is the one exercise that would guarantee me the fountain of youth, I'm not tempted to take even a sip from it.

And now when people ask if I've done my exercises for the day, I just try to play it cool.

"Me? Exercise? Maybe, maybe not. After all, it's no skin off my nose!"


donna fleisher said...

"The woman (of indeterminate age) in the accompanying picture looked like there was nothing in the world she would rather be doing. I wanted to join her."

Haven't you ever heard of Photoshop? That woman was probably grimacing mightily ... until they redid her face with Photoshop. Prestochango, and she's smiling and seeming to be delighted by her present predicament.

No kidding. A big X is just what that exercise needs!

Here's hoping your honker's feeling better soon.

: )

Lynda said...

Hi Sherrie, greetings from a new fan in Missouri! You are such a hoot! I can just imagine you careening off that giant ball. I am sorry about your nose--but it sure was an entertaining account!

Being a woman of the same indeterminate age as you, I am impressed that you even got on the ball. I figure if God wanted me to exercise on a giant ball, he would have planted one on my body...no wait, actually I planted one there myself with one too many oreos. Rats, I hate when that happens.

Anyway--keep sharing those great stories. Your transparency is our amusement. :-)

Susan said...

Oweee! I'm sorry, but you made me laugh. You managed to make a painful situation pretty hilarious. You've got a great funny writing style.

Catherine said...

I ended up here via Angie Hunt's blog. I really needed to laugh . . . I really miss the ball. In spite of your "incident" it still made me long for some of the really weird exercises I did on it. Thanks for poking fun at yourself and reminding me to not take myself so seriously.

Deborah Raney said...

Loved this story, Sherrie! I came here from Angie's blog, too. I've been using an exercise ball as a desk chair for 3 weeks now and I love it. But I decided after viewing the accompanying video that I'd NOT be trying any of the exercises. Sitting on the ball employs plenty of muscles I haven't used in a while, thank you very much. ; )