Now that Christina has posted about her situation, I'm free to write about it also. If you read her blog (http://authorchristinaberry.blogspot.com) you know that her marriage of thirteen years is over. This came as a complete surprise to her, as well as us, and the shock of that cannot fully be conveyed. There was no time to prepare for the bad news and its ensuing pain.
It feels like an unexpected death in the family. It creates that "I'm on the verge of throwing up" feeling in the pit of my stomach. It takes me to a place I never thought I'd be.
I realize that many parents have to watch their children go through the devastation of divorce and that it's never easy. But John and I are in a different situation than most. For the past four years we have shared a multi-generational home with Christina and her family. John built the lower story into our dream home, where we planned on living until we died. Instead, it's the kids' marriage that has died.
Because of the change in her financial situation, Christina will no longer be able to afford to live upstairs. And we certainly don't want to live here without her. Ashberry Lane is more about the people than the locale. Our piece of Eden has been changed by the fall.
So not only do John and I have to watch our daughter and her kids go through this change in every part of their lives, but our future is drastically changed too. We will be putting Ashberry Lane on the market and looking for new housing in whatever nearby community Christina moves to. We won't share a house, as we'll never again find a place like this, but will live close by.
My friends have gathered around to lend support as I walk through this painful time. Everyone is so shocked by what has happened to Christina and how it is going to impact our lives. I have held on to the fact that God has not been surprised by this. He is still in charge, still in control. He will bring beauty from ashes and restore our joy. He has lessons to teach us, character to build. I want to accept this with an open heart and not waste the suffering.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Out of the Mouths of ...
Last night a friend of mine came up and said, "I just have to tell you what one of your AWANA kids did today." As she started her story, I soon realized she was talking about her seven-year old son. She had walked out to the living room and been shocked to find three-inch high letters scratched into the beautiful finish of her piano bench. A lone pair of scissors lay in guilty silence nearby. "Elijah, what did you do?!!" He admitted to the crime, though he didn't seem to understand the seriousness of it right away. So his mother spent some time talking with him about his transgression and of how he could never do something like that again. He asked her to put the scissors up high where he wouldn't be able to reach them, but she said she wouldn't do that, as he needed to learn self-control. She went on to say that he would need to be punished, but stipulated that the punishment would be determined by him. "Elijah, I want you to think about the seriousness of what you've done, and then you tell me what you think you should take for doing that." He thought for a bit, then seriously replied, "Mom, I think I'll take mercy!"
Friday, February 6, 2009
The IDAhope Writer's Conference
Christina and I had a wonderful time this past weekend when we flew to Boise, Idaho, for the first-ever IDAhope Writer's Conference. It was hosted by the local ACFW chapter, headed by Angela Meuser. She and her fellow officers did a phenomenal job putting everything together.
What was especially exciting for us was that Christina and I were invited to be presenters, for the first time in our writing career. We had a blast planning our two sessions. We taught one class together, called "Writing in Tandem: How to Maximize Your Writing Relationships." That covered dealing with editors, agents, critique partners, readers, mentors and mentorees, and of course, co-authors. It was very practical, as we shared things we've learned in our years of writing together.
Christina taught a class on her own (we're not really joined at the hip!) entitled "Five Best Tips for a New Writer." It was fun for me to sit back and watch her do her thing. She has developed into a good public speaker and people came up to me afterward to say how much they had enjoyed both classes. Christina, as a contracted author, was able to sit down with some of the conferees and help them make their writing better. One of the ladies she worked with approached me later and said, "Your daughter is so sweet. She's able to be positive and yet show me what I need to work on. She really knows how to work with a middle-aged woman." I said, "That's because she lives with one!"
What seemed surreal to us was that we were on the author panel Friday evening along with Robin Lee Hatcher. We first read her books years ago, and in all our time with OCW and ACFW had never had a chance to meet her. She lives in the Boise area and taught a couple of classes for the weekend, as well as did a key note speech. She's written over 60 books now, and she's not even that old! I mean, how can a person write more books than their age??!! We got to spend some one-on-one (I guess it would really be two-on-one) time with her Saturday afternoon. What a friendly, down-to-earth woman she is.
We flew back to Portland on Sunday morning and were home in time to prepare for hosting a Super Bowl party and leading at Awana. By the time Sunday night arrived we were both pretty tired and glad for the chance to sit down and relax before starting a busy week by showing up in court Monday morning for a foster care case.
It seems the Lord has suddenly opened up speaking/teaching opportunities for us over the past few months, and in to the coming months. We hope that keeps happening. And we'd love to get invited back to the IDAhope conference!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
The Responsible One
In my family I was always known as "the responsible one." I'm the oldest of five children, so I guess I came by the nickname naturally. (I'm also known as Bubbles and Moochie, but explanations for those terms of endearment are not for this post.)
Because of the experience I had today, I think one of my siblings is going to have to take the title away from me, as I am no longer deserving of such an accolade. I hang my head in shame to admit to the following story, but those of you who follow my blogs understand that I am entirely capable of doing this brainless thing.
It all started very innocently. Christina was accompanying her second grader on a field trip today, so she asked me to take her foster daughter, "Angel", to her visit with her mother. No problem--I've done it before, I could certainly do it again. The one-hour visit went well and Angel and I returned to my car. I unlocked the passenger side of my two-door T-bird, threw my keys and purse onto the console, and securely fastened Angel into her car seat in the back. I slammed the door and went around to the driver's side to get in. Lifted the door handle, but nothing happened. I figured I hadn't hit the button from the other side that would unlatch both doors, so went back to the passenger side to do so. Lifted the handle--nothing happened. Yep, right there in the parking lot of DHS I had managed to lock a 2-year-old foster child in my car!
What's a grandma to do?? Angel smiled at me from the back seat, enjoying the yummy treat Mommy had given her during their visit. I yelled through the window that I would be right back, and ran through the icy rain to the back door of DHS and rang the button that would let them buzz me in. When a man answered and said I could enter, I opened the door and said to the faceless voice on the intercom, "I need some help!" He came out and I explained the situation, feeling like a complete idiot. (I kept an eye on my car this whole time, though the chances of someone being able to drive off with Angel in my locked car were pretty slim!)
Long story shorter, the case worker came out and stood in the rain while I went in and called AAA. I couldn't give them much info, as my AAA card was locked in the car, but as soon as they heard I had a two-year-old in a locked car in wintry conditions, and eating a snack that she might choke on, they said they'd make it a high priority call and get someone there as soon as possible. I went back to the car and spent the next fifteen minutes making faces through the window and singing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star to an adorable little girl who stayed happy and didn't choke. (The case worker and I decided we'd break a window if necessary.)
Finally a tow truck pulled up and a big old guy got out, hitching up his pants as he made his way to my car. He worked and worked, putting wedges in the door, snaking a wire in to try to lift the door lock. (Every time he moved, his pants slipped down, his shirt slithered up and showed off an over-indulged stomach, but he was still a hero to me!) He tried for nearly 20 minutes, but wasn't having a lot of luck.
Another tow truck pulled up then, dispatched by the local police department. The guy got out and brought his tools around to the driver's side and started working. I've heard of dueling banjos, but dueling locksmiths? Forty-five minutes after trapping my keys, purse, and ... oh, yeah, a child in the car, I was rescued. The first man was able to get a wire to grab hold of my bunch of keys and bring them out through the wedge in the door.I was chilled to the bone from having stood in a big puddle all that time, and was ready for lunch, but oh, so glad that Angel had found the whole episode hugely entertaining and hadn't fussed at all.
Yes, I will be exceedingly careful to keep my keys in my hands or pockets at all times when I'm putting Angel in the car (if Christina ever trusts me with her again,) but the bigger lesson in all of this was for Angel. It was a day of teaching her opposites: warm--cold; dry--wet; full--hungry;
responsible--not so much!
Because of the experience I had today, I think one of my siblings is going to have to take the title away from me, as I am no longer deserving of such an accolade. I hang my head in shame to admit to the following story, but those of you who follow my blogs understand that I am entirely capable of doing this brainless thing.
It all started very innocently. Christina was accompanying her second grader on a field trip today, so she asked me to take her foster daughter, "Angel", to her visit with her mother. No problem--I've done it before, I could certainly do it again. The one-hour visit went well and Angel and I returned to my car. I unlocked the passenger side of my two-door T-bird, threw my keys and purse onto the console, and securely fastened Angel into her car seat in the back. I slammed the door and went around to the driver's side to get in. Lifted the door handle, but nothing happened. I figured I hadn't hit the button from the other side that would unlatch both doors, so went back to the passenger side to do so. Lifted the handle--nothing happened. Yep, right there in the parking lot of DHS I had managed to lock a 2-year-old foster child in my car!
What's a grandma to do?? Angel smiled at me from the back seat, enjoying the yummy treat Mommy had given her during their visit. I yelled through the window that I would be right back, and ran through the icy rain to the back door of DHS and rang the button that would let them buzz me in. When a man answered and said I could enter, I opened the door and said to the faceless voice on the intercom, "I need some help!" He came out and I explained the situation, feeling like a complete idiot. (I kept an eye on my car this whole time, though the chances of someone being able to drive off with Angel in my locked car were pretty slim!)
Long story shorter, the case worker came out and stood in the rain while I went in and called AAA. I couldn't give them much info, as my AAA card was locked in the car, but as soon as they heard I had a two-year-old in a locked car in wintry conditions, and eating a snack that she might choke on, they said they'd make it a high priority call and get someone there as soon as possible. I went back to the car and spent the next fifteen minutes making faces through the window and singing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star to an adorable little girl who stayed happy and didn't choke. (The case worker and I decided we'd break a window if necessary.)
Finally a tow truck pulled up and a big old guy got out, hitching up his pants as he made his way to my car. He worked and worked, putting wedges in the door, snaking a wire in to try to lift the door lock. (Every time he moved, his pants slipped down, his shirt slithered up and showed off an over-indulged stomach, but he was still a hero to me!) He tried for nearly 20 minutes, but wasn't having a lot of luck.
Another tow truck pulled up then, dispatched by the local police department. The guy got out and brought his tools around to the driver's side and started working. I've heard of dueling banjos, but dueling locksmiths? Forty-five minutes after trapping my keys, purse, and ... oh, yeah, a child in the car, I was rescued. The first man was able to get a wire to grab hold of my bunch of keys and bring them out through the wedge in the door.I was chilled to the bone from having stood in a big puddle all that time, and was ready for lunch, but oh, so glad that Angel had found the whole episode hugely entertaining and hadn't fussed at all.
Yes, I will be exceedingly careful to keep my keys in my hands or pockets at all times when I'm putting Angel in the car (if Christina ever trusts me with her again,) but the bigger lesson in all of this was for Angel. It was a day of teaching her opposites: warm--cold; dry--wet; full--hungry;
responsible--not so much!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Around the Bend
I awoke to beautiful sunshine Friday morning. Such a nice change from the arctic blast and snow of last month. When I opened the blinds and took a closer look outside, I saw the trees and driveway were covered with frost.
A little later I jumped in the car and headed to town to do my Curves workout. As I pulled onto the highway I noted the countryside was covered with white, but it wasn't snow. It's what we call pogonip, which I think is a Native American word for the icy fog that sometimes forms and encases the trees and each individual blade of grass with a frozen grip. Two curves later I entered a fog bank. Where was the sun? It had been streaming in my eyes just moments before.
For the next 16 miles I drove through the thick cloud, unable to see more than a few yards ahead of me. I got to Curves, did my my exercise routine, and headed to the grocery store. About two blocks from the store the weather changed yet again, and snow covered the ground. It fell against my face as I walked into the store, covered my windshield by the time I returned to my car. I retraced my way home, my headlights straining against the dense fog. Suddenly I burst out into sunshine and blue sky, but with the pogonip still painting the countryside ice-crystal white. The contrast of the icy trees against the azure sky was phenomenal. If I'd had a camera with me, you'd be looking at that beautiful winter scene right now.
My simple journey made me think of my life. I wake up in the morning having no clue (no, don't stop the sentence there!) of what will happen that day. Of what will be around the next bend in my life. I may be walking in sunshine one moment, then suddenly halted by dark circumstances that surround me, making it hard to see more than a few steps ahead. And when I think it can't get any worse, it does! Then there are those times when the pogonip and blue skies come together, the harsh realities of life mixed with the hope of more luminous days ahead.
I'm reminded of the verses from Isaiah 42 where the Lord says,"I will lead the blind along a way they never knew; I will guide them along paths they have not known. I will make the darkness become light for them, and the rough ground smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not leave my people." What a great promise to hold on to, no matter what the weather in your life.
A little later I jumped in the car and headed to town to do my Curves workout. As I pulled onto the highway I noted the countryside was covered with white, but it wasn't snow. It's what we call pogonip, which I think is a Native American word for the icy fog that sometimes forms and encases the trees and each individual blade of grass with a frozen grip. Two curves later I entered a fog bank. Where was the sun? It had been streaming in my eyes just moments before.
For the next 16 miles I drove through the thick cloud, unable to see more than a few yards ahead of me. I got to Curves, did my my exercise routine, and headed to the grocery store. About two blocks from the store the weather changed yet again, and snow covered the ground. It fell against my face as I walked into the store, covered my windshield by the time I returned to my car. I retraced my way home, my headlights straining against the dense fog. Suddenly I burst out into sunshine and blue sky, but with the pogonip still painting the countryside ice-crystal white. The contrast of the icy trees against the azure sky was phenomenal. If I'd had a camera with me, you'd be looking at that beautiful winter scene right now.
My simple journey made me think of my life. I wake up in the morning having no clue (no, don't stop the sentence there!) of what will happen that day. Of what will be around the next bend in my life. I may be walking in sunshine one moment, then suddenly halted by dark circumstances that surround me, making it hard to see more than a few steps ahead. And when I think it can't get any worse, it does! Then there are those times when the pogonip and blue skies come together, the harsh realities of life mixed with the hope of more luminous days ahead.
I'm reminded of the verses from Isaiah 42 where the Lord says,"I will lead the blind along a way they never knew; I will guide them along paths they have not known. I will make the darkness become light for them, and the rough ground smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not leave my people." What a great promise to hold on to, no matter what the weather in your life.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
I've Been Taking a Pounding!
I've got a few snippets of things to share with you this time, but hopefully you'll see the common thread. (I must confess, however, that I'm not a very good seamstress!)
Fifteen pounds: When I got home from the ACFW conference in September and stepped on the scale, I was appalled. Then when I saw pictures taken of me there I felt even worse. Where had this overweight woman come from? I used to be way too thin and found it impossible to gain. I would read magazine articles having to do with weight loss and do the opposite of what they said, trying to put a few ounces on my tall frame. Way back in high school I'd been so thin that a doctor had put me on pills that he gave to football players to make them gain weight. While I took those, I gained 1/2 pound a day, but as soon as I was off them, the weight slithered off. Decades had passed and trying to gain weight was no longer a problem. Now the opposite was an unwanted part of my life.
I had been a member of Curves for over a year by the time I returned from ACFW, but hadn't taken it seriously. I would go when I could fit it into my schedule (it's 25 minutes away), or when I didn't have anything better to do. Needless to say, that meant I rarely showed up. But after seeing those pictures ... well, enough was enough! Since the first week of October I have worked out at Curves three times a week, with the only exception being when we were snowed in for two weeks at Christmas. I've been more aware of the size of my portions and have lost 15 pounds. That's a great way to start the year!
Four pounds: When I walked into Curves today, the staff person told me she needed to take my picture. Usually I have other places to go after working out, and have my hair and makeup done. But today I'd basically rolled out of bed, pulled my hair back, and only put mascara on before heading out the door. Certainly not at my most glamorous. When I asked why she needed a photo, she said I had been the woman to lose the most weight over the holiday season! It was only four pounds, but hey, it was a loss and I had worked hard for it. Another great way to start the year! (And I convinced her to wait until Monday to snap the picture!)
Seven pounds: John and I rarely have a date to the movies because we have a wonderful home theater and wait to see videos there. But last night was an exception. Christina, Kevin, and the kids were gone for the weekend. Instead of enjoying the unusually empty house, we heated up leftovers, gobbled them down, and headed off to the movies. And you probably know what we saw, if you're picking up on the theme of this post. Yes, Will Smith's latest--Seven Pounds. I'm not going to say what it's about, as it's so much more fun to discover it for yourself. As a writer, I was taken with how the information was given to the viewers in a way that we had to piece it together. It certainly wasn't spelled out, and we weren't told what to think about it. It was a very thought-provoking movie and one we discussed on the way home. Go see it for yourself and let me know what you think.
Fifteen pounds: When I got home from the ACFW conference in September and stepped on the scale, I was appalled. Then when I saw pictures taken of me there I felt even worse. Where had this overweight woman come from? I used to be way too thin and found it impossible to gain. I would read magazine articles having to do with weight loss and do the opposite of what they said, trying to put a few ounces on my tall frame. Way back in high school I'd been so thin that a doctor had put me on pills that he gave to football players to make them gain weight. While I took those, I gained 1/2 pound a day, but as soon as I was off them, the weight slithered off. Decades had passed and trying to gain weight was no longer a problem. Now the opposite was an unwanted part of my life.
I had been a member of Curves for over a year by the time I returned from ACFW, but hadn't taken it seriously. I would go when I could fit it into my schedule (it's 25 minutes away), or when I didn't have anything better to do. Needless to say, that meant I rarely showed up. But after seeing those pictures ... well, enough was enough! Since the first week of October I have worked out at Curves three times a week, with the only exception being when we were snowed in for two weeks at Christmas. I've been more aware of the size of my portions and have lost 15 pounds. That's a great way to start the year!
Four pounds: When I walked into Curves today, the staff person told me she needed to take my picture. Usually I have other places to go after working out, and have my hair and makeup done. But today I'd basically rolled out of bed, pulled my hair back, and only put mascara on before heading out the door. Certainly not at my most glamorous. When I asked why she needed a photo, she said I had been the woman to lose the most weight over the holiday season! It was only four pounds, but hey, it was a loss and I had worked hard for it. Another great way to start the year! (And I convinced her to wait until Monday to snap the picture!)
Seven pounds: John and I rarely have a date to the movies because we have a wonderful home theater and wait to see videos there. But last night was an exception. Christina, Kevin, and the kids were gone for the weekend. Instead of enjoying the unusually empty house, we heated up leftovers, gobbled them down, and headed off to the movies. And you probably know what we saw, if you're picking up on the theme of this post. Yes, Will Smith's latest--Seven Pounds. I'm not going to say what it's about, as it's so much more fun to discover it for yourself. As a writer, I was taken with how the information was given to the viewers in a way that we had to piece it together. It certainly wasn't spelled out, and we weren't told what to think about it. It was a very thought-provoking movie and one we discussed on the way home. Go see it for yourself and let me know what you think.
Monday, January 5, 2009
A Light Look at the New Year
So here it is, the beginning of a new year. The busyness of the Christmas season is over, the kids are back in school (finally!), and it’s time to take a few minutes to think through what we’d like to see happen in 2009. Maybe you’re the kind of person who sits down on New Year’s Eve and writes out your resolutions for the year. Or perhaps you’ve learned from experience that there’s no sense to bother doing that, as you never keep them anyway!
In an attempt to make your transition into the new year a little easier, I offer you these resolutions that you can tweak and make your own:
1. Do not, under any circumstance, forget to remove all the tags from new clothes you purchase. It is extremely embarrassing to find out at the end of the day, after traipsing all over town, that you are wearing a sweater that still has the clear plastic strip stuck across your chest, with the letter “L” running its length. (Not that I would know this from personal experience!)
2. Make this the year that you care more about the environment. Do your part to conserve energy. Do not put the detergent, bleach, and fabric softener in your washing machine, start the load of laundry, and later discover that you forgot to put the clothes in the washer. Especially do not allow your son-in-law to be nearby when you discover your mistake. (Not that I would know this from personal experience!)
3. When you’re eating a plate of spaghetti on the couch in front of the TV and the doorbell rings and you put the plate down on the cushion while you answer the door, do not forget that the plate is there when you go back and sit down. (Not that I would know this from personal experience!)
4. Do not attempt a gymnast-only type move atop a big exercise ball, even in the privacy of your own home, when you are a woman of age. This can result in a scraped nose that takes two weeks to heal, as well as a sprained wrist. (Not that I would know this from personal experience!)
5. Finally, lighten up. Whether that means losing weight, getting rid of “stuff” around the house, or taking yourself less seriously, do something to get rid of the thoughts and habits that keep you from living an abundant life. Look at the funny side, even when you make mistakes. (I know this from personal experience!)
In an attempt to make your transition into the new year a little easier, I offer you these resolutions that you can tweak and make your own:
1. Do not, under any circumstance, forget to remove all the tags from new clothes you purchase. It is extremely embarrassing to find out at the end of the day, after traipsing all over town, that you are wearing a sweater that still has the clear plastic strip stuck across your chest, with the letter “L” running its length. (Not that I would know this from personal experience!)
2. Make this the year that you care more about the environment. Do your part to conserve energy. Do not put the detergent, bleach, and fabric softener in your washing machine, start the load of laundry, and later discover that you forgot to put the clothes in the washer. Especially do not allow your son-in-law to be nearby when you discover your mistake. (Not that I would know this from personal experience!)
3. When you’re eating a plate of spaghetti on the couch in front of the TV and the doorbell rings and you put the plate down on the cushion while you answer the door, do not forget that the plate is there when you go back and sit down. (Not that I would know this from personal experience!)
4. Do not attempt a gymnast-only type move atop a big exercise ball, even in the privacy of your own home, when you are a woman of age. This can result in a scraped nose that takes two weeks to heal, as well as a sprained wrist. (Not that I would know this from personal experience!)
5. Finally, lighten up. Whether that means losing weight, getting rid of “stuff” around the house, or taking yourself less seriously, do something to get rid of the thoughts and habits that keep you from living an abundant life. Look at the funny side, even when you make mistakes. (I know this from personal experience!)
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